Monday, December 24, 2007

The West's Answer to the Suicide Bomber?

From Strange Military via Gummihund (hat tip to Pela, who is great at spotting interesting stuff!):

How to WIN The War on Terror - Draft Guys Over 60!

Drafting Guys over 60

New Direction for the war on terrorists.

"Send Prior Service Vets over 60"

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it.

Submitted by John P.


This could be the West's answer to the suicide bomber.

5 comments:

The Frank Family said...

I can hardly see through the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Get all the volunteers you want at the VFW and give 'em hell!!!

Yehudi01 said...

That is hilarious! Whoever wrote that deserves a Pulitzer...and a gun.

WomanHonorThyself said...

bwhaha!

English Rose said...

☆☆Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true☆☆
Just wanted to send you an uplifting quote for christmas, hope you had a good one x

Aurora said...

Hey there's a lot to be said for older guys! I'm with Yehudi...Give them a gun and get them out there!